Friday, August 31, 2018

Chained by Fear of Love

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Love is such a powerful feeling. It has the ability to either inspire you or break you. It makes you feel wanted and helpless at the same time that you can't help but surrender into its traps.

Why are we so afraid of falling in love?
Simple. The euphoria we feel once we fall in love is just too good to be true that we become scared of what will happen once the emotions are gone. Not all couples are able to retain the feeling. It always takes two to tango but unfortunately, not everyone can keep up with the pace and you end up having a one-sided love. We are afraid to get too close because we fear that the other may not catch us when we fall. And it hurts like hell. The excruciating pain will be deeply seated in your heart. It will serve as a reminder of the agony you experienced when the other can't return the feeling.
But love is a feeling in your bones that you can't easily wave off. The thing is... it is a "risk" you have to take. After you have taken the chance, your sacrifice doesn't just end there. You will become selfless and give the person everything that will make them happy. You will invest a lot of emotions in the relationship that sometimes you even forget to leave something for yourself.
When someone starts to make you feel special, you immediately turn your defenses up to protect yourself from getting hurt. All because of fear, you are preventing yourself to be loved. Of course, "being in love" is not an easy road to take. But will you always let that fear cripple your chance to find happiness?
Vulnerability scares you.
Fearing the unknown is understandable. It prompts us to use our head and avoid stupid decisions brought by devoted emotions. You want to remain in your comfort zone where you are 100% sure you won't get your heart broken. Because for you, the more you care, the more you'll get hurt.
History might repeat itself.
No matter what you do, the hurt in previous relationships will continue to influence how you will perceive the people who get too close to you. Negative experiences make us wary of letting someone enter into our life. We steer away from attachments because it will bring back old feelings, hurt, and anger.
Love is often lopsided.
You like the person "too much" that you are afraid that the other may not be able to give you the same amount of love. You are not sure as to how long will their feeling for you will sustain. Emotions are something you have to let grow. Worrying about how one feel more than the other will only result to endless doubts.
Friends and family always have something to say.
You can never please everybody and that includes the people close to the person you love. To love means accepting the fact that even if his family doesn't like you, you have to continue understanding them. Because loving the person means loving the people around him as well.
You fear loss.
When the person starts to mean more to us, the more we fear of losing the person. We start to become aware of the fact that we are mere mortals and eventually, we will depart from this world. Just the thought of losing a beloved person to death is enough to make us fear to be in love. Too much attachment causes too much pain.
Love is always associated with pain. You just got to choose which one is worthy of that risk.

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Thursday, August 30, 2018

How To Keep Your Woman Faithful

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Why is Infidelity Bad?
Infidelity is the most destructive thing that can happen in a relationship. If a woman takes the decision to sleep with someone else, then it means that she does not value anymore the relationship she's currently in.

Her reasons for taking the decision to cheat, could be various, because of curiosity, because of too much sexual desire, because of the circumstances where a guy insisted too much and she could not refuse, because of being too drunk etc. NO MATTER, what was the reason why she did it; it only means one single thing - THE END OF THE RELATIONSHIP!
We, men, are very possessive human beings. We are pride driven and very egoistic when it comes to the woman we love. And when she decides to lay in bed with a man, other than us, our pride and our ego gets seriously hurt.
In that case, there are only two choices we could make:
- Accept it, and get over it, and let the time heal the wound.
- Or end the relationship.
If you chose the first option you, you are very much in trouble, because, first of all you will look weak, and needy, thus she'll respect you less and she'll be tempted to do it again; secondly you'll suffer because of it for a long time and it will hardly ever pass, and thirdly you'll always live with that fear of being cheated again. It's the worst option you can choose.
If you choose the second option, there's a lot of pain involved too; you'll have to end the relationship and suffer for a good while because of losing your beloved woman. But the good news is that it's temporary, and even though it will take you a few months to recover, after that you'll forget about her and go on with your life.
So, if you read so far, I believe we can agree that infidelity, is a really destructive thing - and never leads to positive consequences for the relationship.
How to avoid being cheated on?
I am about to share with you, one of the best ways to prevent infidelity from happening in your long distance relationship. It's true it's not the only way to keep a girl faithful, but it's one of the best, so pay close attention!
Freedom of Choice
When it comes to getting people to do or not do something, the worst thing you can do is to force them.
When forcing someone to do something, the only thing that you'll succeed in doing is to get that person to find any possible ways to free him/herself from being forced. That is just common wisdom.
In terms of preventing the situation where your girlfriend decides to cheat on you, forcing her to be faithful is a bad choice too. If you become extremely jealous, controlling and keep telling her to be a good girl, the only thing you'll succeed is to push her more from you and into the arms other men.
People tend to like doing what they are told NOT to do!
Now what Freedom of Choice means is that you never force your girl to stay faithful, just the opposite, you give her the freedom to cheat if she feels like it, if she thinks that this what she wants. But only as long as she takes responsibility for her actions and for the fact that your relationship will end after that.
What you do is:
1) Let her know that you DO NOT accept that your girl would cheat on you and explain the consequences of her doing so. If she ever thinks about being unfaithful then the relationship will end with no explanations.
"There are many women around that can cheat on their boyfriends without a second thought and you know what they're called right? Well I do not want to be in a relationship with such a girl. I love you, and want you to be only mine; otherwise, the relationship will end with no explanations."
2) Deliberately give her the freedom to choose if she wants to be faithful or not, as long as she takes responsibility for the consequences.
"Nobody is stopping you from sleeping with other guys. Feel free to do whatever you want. But keep in mind that if you do that, you have to forget about me forever."
3) Let her know that if she ever cheats, no matter how much she'd try to keep it a secret, you'll always find out about it.
"Listen, if I feel that something is wrong, and I'll feel it for sure, then I'll find a million ways to find out the truth. You won't even imagine when and how I'll discover that secret. So you better avoid it; and never assume that I won't find out. Truth will always come out.
Now, this is a powerful way of dealing with the infidelity issue, because it puts the choice in her hands. It gives her the freedom to do that she wants, and does not force her to behave in a specific way.
It's not you who keeps her from dating, sleeping with other guys, its herself that decides not to do it, because she wants to be with you. If you restrict her to look at, or sleep with other men, then those men, will become "the forbidden fruit" for her, and they will be much more attractive in her eyes, but if you just allow her to do what she wants, all of a sudden it's like... "okay that man is cool, I can have him, it's not forbidden, but let's see... is it worth it to sleep with that guy and loose the really good one that I have right now?
Well, yes or no. If you are an attractive man, then the answer will always be no, but if its yes, then she's not your long-term partner anyways, and you'll lose her at some point when it will be even harder (marriage, children, house, friends etc.)
So the idea is to give her the Freedom, but before doing that you must explain her carefully all the consequences of using that freedom. And if she loves you and wants stick around, she'll make sure to be only yours.
Last Thoughts
Giving her the freedom of choice, does not mean that you'll stop being jealous, because you can't do that, it's in our nature to be jealous. So, you'll still be jealous, and show her that you don't like when she's expressing too much attention to other men, but you'll be expressing your jealousy in a healthy manner from there on.
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Trust and Love: How They Are Connected

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I wish to discuss two words: Trust and Love. Both seem appropriate in light of the recent unfortunate events. Here are two questions for you to consider. Is Trust given or is it earned? And second, Is Love given or earned? And since I have two questions, I must confess to a third. What is the connection between Trust and Love?

Once we have answered the first question, we may then say it serves as the pinion for love, the basis, the rock upon which love is built. And there is no doubt, that's what the world needs now.
So, what does it mean to Trust? To Love? The issue goes back to the beginning of time. In Christianity, the first Adam trusted Eve. He had no reason not to trust her. Sampson had no reason not to trust Delilah. Caesar, though warned to beware of the Ides of March, had no reason to mistrust Brutus. Each found their trust betrayed. What happens when trust is betrayed? Love files out the window.
To love, one must trust that the other is going to promote their well being and happiness. Violate trust and love is lost, perhaps never to return. If it does, it may not be on the same secure footing as before. How do you get it back? Earn it? Yes! You have to make regular installments just as you would in your bank account. And then maybe, when the account has been active for awhile, trust may return. If it does, it will be in the name of love. It is trust that engenders harmony and peace; it is trust that engenders that love that each human being seeks.
Dr. Robert Frey reminds us that we must do all we can do to create a love-based reality. In doing so, we must realize it is a 'moment to moment affair.' So, how does one love? First let's see if we can arrive at a working definition. I love chocolate, the Mariners, mystery novels. I love my pet. Love, Love, Love. And not one ounce of understanding. The word, Love, has been so overused it has become nearly vacuous. So how do we take something that has nearly lost its meaning and give it back? This question is really no different than the question about trust.
Trust is given. Love is given.. Do you give trust with conditions? Only if it has been violated. Is it necessary to read the fine print to know if you are trusted? Isn't that what prenuptial agreements or pre-assigned responsibilities within a relationship are-fine print conditions?
The musical muses tell us that 'love is a many-splendored thing.' We are told 'love is what makes the world go around,' and we are told that 'love is the greatest thing.' Yet, do we all not put restrictions on its natural flow? Do we not have reservations because love is an unconditional commitment? After all, isn't conditional love something that can be turned on and off? A conditioned love requires that one of the partners is to do something that pleases the other. On the simplest level, a child picks up its toy from the floor because its mother says "How sweet. I love you, honey." The message conveyed by such behavior is that one must earn love. People who are perfectionists and those who are people pleasers most likely have experienced love conditionally and have never really felt love. They have not experienced that unconditional commitment. What a box!
Dare I ask commitment to what? To faith that love will be returned? In Christianity, one is reminded that "faith to move mountains" is worthless without love. We are told that even philanthropy without love is lacking in spirituality. In Love, we give to others. That is the essence of philanthropy; it is the essence of faith and it should be the basis for our interaction with each other. When one loves, there has been a choice-an expressed desire made for the happiness of someone else. That we call benevolence. The commitment then, is to a personal behavior that reflects benevolence.
Do not confuse benevolence with altruism. Altruism dictates that you sacrifice yourself for the benefit of others; that is, their needs claim your actions and behavior and even your life. If I may borrow a term from today's computer jargon, benevolence enables; it enables you to achieve your value from relationships with other people. Benevolence does not rest upon the misfortunes of others; whereas, altruism seems to be directed by that fact. The simple act of giving someone the benefit of the doubt creates an avenue for benevolent behavior, the opportunity to demonstrate the value of unconditional love. When that love is a commitment to a personal behavior that derives value from life itself, from interaction with others, and with society as a whole, then you are benevolent. Matthew Fox has said, "Compassion is not a moral commandment but a flow and overflow of the fullest human and divine energies." That's benevolence.
If a man wants to build a house, he uses wood. He must also provide hollow space within that house; empty of wood thus both wood and the absence of wood are required to build that house. Building a loving relationship is similar. The builder of Love must bring values (the wood) and time (the space) to the relationship. To do otherwise results in a house built of sand. You cannot be as the shifting stand if you want a loving, personal, and lasting relationship. If you are, there is no permanence. It will have slipped between your fingers before you had a chance to grasp it, to taste it, to savor its delicacy.
The late syndicated columnist Jim Bishop wrote an inspiring essay called Love Something Apart. In it, he states, 'Love is giving. It is the unification of two persons into one. It is possession and being possessed. But it is also jealousy, hostility, insecurity, and despair. It is the only thing which must be resurrected every day.' Trust is applied here because one trusts that there will be a resurrection. Love allows us to experience life and to connect in a positive way. Denying the existence and the experience of love, choosing not to practice it, denies your divinity. And that is the sin! Denying your spirituality; a damnation of all that is divine.
Buddhist tell us to pay careful attention to the other person, to listen for what is actually being said so that we can recognize the source of what is being felt. If you do that, you can respond with care, and compassion. And isn't that benevolence? And isn't that Love? Of course it is. But at the same time, it is so much more. It is the total and complete recognition of the divine in all life. Swami Vivekananda has written, 'real existence, real knowledge, and real love are eternally connected with one another, the three in one; where one of them is, the others must be.'
We make the mistake in loving the wrong way. A man, for example, loves his wife. He wants her with him at all times, to sit by him at social functions, to eat with him, to walk with him. He calls her several times a day from his place of work. This makes him a slave to her existence. This is not love. Love would set her free to be all that she could be. And if she, in turn loves him, she would help him cut the umbilical cord he has fastened to her. It is, after all a mutual thing. Every act of love should bring happiness and joy if not a sense of wonderment. In real love, love does not deliberately cause pain or suffering. If it does, there has been a corruption.
In closing I wish to leave with you a little piece a friend shared with me. It's author is unknown. It's titled The Essence of Compassion. "Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the starving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong-because sometime in your life you will have been all of these."

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Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Your Divorce Can Be a New Beginning

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Time For a Fresh Start
It might not seem like it at the time, but sometimes a divorce can be an incredibly good thing. I'm not saying this as someone who has actually been through a divorce; I'm saying this as a child of divorced parents. And as someone who is married to a child of divorced parents. We've seen our share of divorce, is what I'm saying, and it's not always such a bad thing. In many ways, divorce can be something of a fresh start-a new beginning.

That is, if it's done right. With all the emotions involved it shouldn't be terribly surprising that sometimes divorce gets messy, and I think that's where things really take a turn for the worse. Divorce can be messy if you aren't prepared for it-and expensive.
Why Do People Get Divorces?
But once the divorce is complete, it lets two people go their separate ways. It gives them a new beginning. So why do people get divorces? Let's look at some of the more common reasons.
1. Finances
Perhaps one of the primary stressors of any marriage is money. When two people cannot agree on the best ways to spend money or the best ways to save it, there can be a significant amount of strife. Sometimes this strife leads to resentment and festering anger; it can also be a representation of differing priorities in life.
2. Infidelity
When two people have an understanding that they should be faithful to one another, any kind of infidelity can erode the bedrock of trust in a marriage. When this happens, that trust and faith can be difficult-if not impossible-to repair. Many people, therefore, opt for that new beginning and begin divorce proceedings.
3. Time
It's strange. We tend to think of marriage as one of those things that binds people together forever. But time can change people; life can take you in new and interesting directions. And when this happens, sometimes you end up as two different people. This is especially true, I think, when you don't grow together.
4. Tragedy
I don't mean this in a Shakespearean sense, necessarily. Sometimes bad stuff happens. This could be something as tragic as losing a child to something a little more banal, like losing a job. And when you hit rough seas, it can tear at the fabric of the marriage (especially if that marriage has known nothing but good times). I don't mean that people give up easily; I mean that sometimes you see what your partner is like when times are tough, and you might not always like what you see.
5. Perspective
When you get married young, you're full of optimism and hope (heck, this is generally true of anyone that gets married). You have certain ideas about what your life will be like-about what the future will be like. And sometimes, as you age, those ideas begin to split. Maybe you have different ideas. That's okay. And it's okay to go your separate ways.
Getting What You Want Out of Life and Marriage
To be sure, I'm not advocating that everyone should get a divorce. Marriage can be an excellent thing, and I certainly don't know what I'd do without my partner in crime. But what I am saying is that staying in a miserable marriage, a stagnant marriage, an unhappy marriage-that doesn't seem to do a lot of good for anyone. Sometimes what you really need is a fresh start and a new beginning. For better or worse, divorce is something that can grant that.
Sometimes it doesn't take much. As mentioned above, sometimes it's the money that can be a problem. The cost of a good divorce attorney alone can eat into all kinds of financing (though most people who invest in a divorce attorney generally attest to their effectiveness and value). Again, if you're perfectly happy, it's not like you need to go get a divorce. I don't want to insinuate that divorce is, like, the new midlife crisis purchase of a car. It won't solve all your problems. But it will solve the problem of an unhappy marriage.

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Monday, August 27, 2018

Finding Happiness After Leaving an Abusive Relationship

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Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, but being alone can feel worse. All your happily married friends are still happily married, and here you are suddenly single. It's a huge adjustment. Even though you've triumphed by getting out of a bad situation, there's often an underlying sense of failure. There's enormous pressure to be a couple in this society.

When I was single, the worst part wasn't loneliness. It was the remarks from people who wanted to know when I was finally going "to hook up for real," and the warnings from an aunt that I wasn't getting any younger. The worst comment came after I'd broken up with a man who undermined my confidence, did not turn up when he said he was going to, slapped me so hard my ears rang, and threw a glass of wine in my face. A colleague told me that I could not possibly last without him. "You think you're happy, but you'd be much happier with a boyfriend," she said.
It is this attitude, which persists even in 2005, that drives women to date substandard men and put up with ridiculous behavior. It makes it tempting to pick up the phone and ask a rotten fellow if he has plans Friday night, rather than face the prospect of attending a dinner party populated with giddy couples alone.
Maybe you'd like to meet someone new, but the idea of dating makes you nervous. You certainly don't want to end up with another abuser. Women tend to attract the same type of person again and again, unless they take steps to do otherwise.
That was my story, anyway. After seeing a series of men who ranged from being abusive to emotionally distant, I decided that it was time to stop dating. I would become my own boyfriend. I started treating myself the way the dreamiest man in the world would. The results were fantastic. Two months later, I began my first healthy relationship with a man. I never did fall in love with him, though, so I broke it off. Then the man who would become my husband walked into the picture, starting the most fulfilling relationship I have ever known. What's more, it's an easy relationship: no drama, no angst, and no mind games. We've been happily married for 12 years.
You can have a healthy, fulfilling love relationship, too. But you have to do some inner work first. Here's how to get going:
1. Believe that you are capable of it.
If all your relationships have been unhealthy, you may not believe that you are capable of a healthy one. Maybe you don't even know what a happy and mutually supportive relationship is. Find a pen and paper right this minute and write down the qualities your perfect man would possess (hint: he'd be loving, honest, faithful, gentle, and so on). Now write down how you'd feel in a relationship with such a person (peaceful, content, joyous, excited, and so on). Keep these lists with you at all times. Dwell on them whenever you have a minute, perhaps in the ladies' room at work. It's especially helpful to read them--and feel the emotions they bring up--for a minimum of 30 days. Do this as you drop off to sleep at night and before you put your feet on the floor in the morning. Your subconscious will go to work on drawing a man with these qualities to you. It may sound like hocus-pocus, but it works.
2. Know that you are a treasure yet to be discovered.
Make a list of your own excellent qualities. Bring to mind every important compliment you've ever gotten. Recognize that you deserve a healthy relationship. Understand that you are worthy of love, respect, tenderness, and whatever else was missing from--or inconsistent in-- your former relationship. A lot of us have been raised to think it's conceited to dwell on our good qualities, but you if you haven't a sense of your own worth, you really can't attract a man who will give you the love you deserve. It's imperative that you overcome your own feelings of inadequacy before you date again, or you're bound to end up with your ex in a different body.
3. Do all the things you put off while you were with Mr. Wrong.
Now is the time to do all the things your ex held you back from, whether that means going to a museum or eating in a particular restaurant. Perhaps you've dreamed of vacationing in Malta, but your ex insisted on a fishing trip every year. If you can afford it, pencil in some vacation time and go for it-- by yourself. After I decided to become my own best boyfriend, I took myself to San Francisco for four days. I booked a room in a B&B instead of a hotel because I'm shy; the communal breakfasts forced me to talk to other people. As a result, I went sight-seeing with a dancewear designer from South Africa. I enjoyed several meals with a Londoner who'd sold her furniture business to travel around the world. When I returned home to New York, I had a completely new outlook. I felt capable, powerful, and independent. Traveling by myself had a pronounced impact on my subsequent relationships with men; I was no longer willing to take anything less than the finest treatment from them.
4. See a movie by yourself.
A friend's lovely boyfriend once told me, "You're not an adult until you've seen a movie by yourself." After my last rotten relationship, I took myself to see "Rain Man." Yes, a couple of less-enlightened jerks did look at me pityingly, but I didn't care. I walked out of the theater feeling great, even if the movie was overrated. I started going on solo trips to the movies once every couple of weeks, and it was absolutely freeing. I didn't have to compromise with anybody about what film to see, and I genuinely enjoyed my own company. I began to feel that I could do whatever I wanted.
5. Buy yourself flowers.
Once a week, pick out an inexpensive bouquet from the corner grocer. Stop making excuses. Stop telling yourself you can't afford it, that you should spend your money on something practical, and just buy it. Take it home and put it in one of those empty vases you have lying around. The flowers will cheer you every time you see them. They will make you feel loved.
6. Go out with your old friends.
There's nothing quite like a night out with the girls. If you managed to shut out your friends while you were with What's-His-Name, you may have some apologizing to do. So go to it, and resolve never to let a man get between you and your friends again. Then, go out and have a blast. Do it often! You deserve it.
7. Treat yourself kindly.
Talk to yourself as you would a beloved child. You wouldn't tell a little one, "You're so stupid," or "You're fat," so stop saying such things to yourself. Speak to yourself--and treat yourself--like a perfect soul who is progressing every day. A baby doesn't come into the world with the ability to talk, but it learns eventually. Treat yourself to something wonderful every chance you get. It doesn't have to cost money. Lose the guilt and eat your lunch in the park instead of tying yourself to your desk. Take a walk in the evening and discover a different part of town. Do things that feel good. If you have the habit of eating takeout because you don't like "to cook for one," it's time to impress the most important person in your life. Cook yourself something simple and delicious. Set the table (no standing over the stove and eating out of the pot) and serve it on your best china. Enjoy it with a single glass of the most delightful wine you can afford.
8. Take a class or join a club.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you've heard it before, but it really does make a difference. Everybody has a special interest, and it's time to explore yours. You'll develop confidence, meet new people, and most important, get out of the house on a regular basis. When my friend Brian found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him for 15 years, he packed up her things and listened to sad music for two weeks. Then he moved on. His interests are cooking and the outdoors, so he enrolled in a cooking class and joined a hikers' club. He made friends through both activities and, before long he was inviting them to his house for dinner parties. One night, a guest brought a female friend along, and Joe fell in love with her. They got married two years ago.
9. Date carefully.
After being your own boyfriend for a while, you may want a relationship with a man again. (Or maybe you won't.) When you're out on dates, ask yourself if the guy exhibits any of your ex's qualities. Abusers are utterly charming in the beginning, but they leave clues that indicate they're not good boyfriend material. Observe carefully. Never make excuses for poor behavior. Ask yourself if the guy is the kind of man you'd like your daughter to marry (whether or not you have one). If the answer is no, give him the slip. Continue to be your own boyfriend until the right fellow shows up. Eventually, he will.
Make time to develop a loving relationship with yourself, and the bad boys you once found irresistible just won't appeal to you anymore. You will magnetize gentle, fun, upstanding, faithful men, and you'll be attracted to them, too, for a change. Before you know it, you'll find yourself in the relationship of your dreams. I did it, and so can you.

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Sunday, August 26, 2018

The Law of Attraction - Getting What You Truly Want in a Relationship

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Use the Law of Attraction to improve your dating life. Your thoughts, feelings and words directly affect your love life. How can you attract Mr. Right? Start within and remember these pointers:

1. Your thoughts create your reality, so make sure you are always focused on what you WANT. Don't think about what you DON'T want, because then that's what will show up in your life. Your habitual thoughts become your life experiences. Make it a habit to think positively, and you'll reap the benefits when good things start to come your way. It may seem hard to do, but it will pay great dividends for you in life. If negative thoughts are just too hard to resist and you are starting to feel hopeless or excessively frustrated with your life, try meditating, praying, exercising or talking to a professional. Meditation when practiced on a regular basis for a period of time is proven to have positive effects on your mental and emotional state of mind. At first it seems hard, but it's similar to exercising a muscle. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Many people have lost weight, accomplished great work, felt more peaceful, stayed sober and much more using meditation.
2. How you feel affects what and whom show up in your life. If you feel bad or negative all the time, you'll attract people who make you feel the same way. All your experiences reflect your state of mind and how you feel. Work on feeling good and you'll attract even more good to your life, in the form of relationships, circumstances and experiences! Remember, to feel good you must take action along with having a positive mindset. You must DO things to feel good--take a class, exercise, volunteer, pursue your career dreams, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, spend time with friends and family who love you and who make you feel good. Minimize your interaction with things that make you feel bad, and you'll be on your way to living a more fulfilled life.
3. Your words are powerful. Don't set yourself up for failure by speaking negatively, especially about finding Mr. Right. Speak words of hope and faith and soon you will see the change you desire! Guard yourself against the negative opinions and beliefs of others. Let their comments fall off your shoulders, and get back to radiating positive energy. For example, don't listen when people tell you there are no good men left, or all the good ones are taken. Don't listen when people tell you you'll just have to settle because you'll never get what you want. Don't listen to yourself when you're having a bad day and you say to yourself you'll never find a man to love you. Observe your thoughts, release them and go back to thinking positively.
Remember, you reap what you sow in life. Sow thoughts of love, of joy, of laughter, of living the life you want, and if you are committed you will see the change you desire.

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Saturday, August 25, 2018

Choosing Your Groomsmen: No Matter What They Say, Nobody "Must" Be In the Wedding Party

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Your lovely fiancée has chosen her 'maids, and now you're stuck with the task of finding just the right number of family and friends to pair them with. How do you decide who makes the cut?

The Usual Suspects
Remember: No matter what your family or friends say, there aren't people who "must" be in the wedding party. Select buddies you're close with-not guys you feel obligated to ask. If you're unfamiliar with wedding etiquette, however, here are the "usual" rules for including groomsmen in your wedding party.
Brothers-yours and your bride's-come first. Unless there are strange circumstances (if you don't speak to your brother, for instance), your brothers and her brothers are automatically in the wedding party. Next come your closest friends (some may be relatives) who are responsible-and let's get real here-financially sound. Being in a wedding, especially if travel is involved, is expensive.
The Best Man for the Job
We'd like to advise you to ignore anyone who offers input on choosing your best man, but we know this isn't entirely realistic. We will say, however, that you'll want to choose the male who is closest to you and has been there for you. Whether he's a blood relative or close friend, you'll be glad when your wedding day arrives that you picked your best friend.
Great Expectations
When you begin asking your friends to stand up in your wedding, be sure to explain what's expected. The basics include:
  • Travel and accommodations
  • Attend the rehearsal and dinner
  • Renting tuxedo and shoes
  • Attend tuxedo fittings
  • Help plan and attend the bachelor party
  • Seat guests at the wedding
  • Walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid (maybe)
  • Dance with same bridesmaid
  • Wedding gift (unspoken requirement, of course!)
If this is manageable for your buds, you're in business.
Who Doesn't Make It
Keep in mind that a lot of money (whether it's yours is inconsequential) and effort are being spent on the biggest day of your life. You don't want to start your lifetime commitment with the following burdens (trust me, I'm a wife): friends who get too drunk, who are late for everything, and who have a reputation for not showing up for important events. These guys are not the best choice for groomsmen. If there's any doubt about whether your skiing buddy, "GanjaDaddy," will fulfill his duties, you probably shouldn't ask him. We suggest, based on horror stories we've heard and witnessed, that you choose your most responsible friends for this very special day.
This doesn't mean you load your wedding party with a bunch of stiffs. You know what we're saying. Keep it reasonable.
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Friday, August 24, 2018

Being Single Is A Blessing, Not A Curse

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For anybody dying to be in a relationship, I think it is important to reflect why you want to be in a relationship.
Are you doing it because you do not want to be lonely?

For financial gain? What?
I know many people have heard this but being single is not a curse, it can actually be a blessing. If you are like who I was, I know you are saying that you do not want to hear that right now. You are lonely and you do not understand how being single can be a blessing.
I will explain it this way. Have you ever seen someone jump from relationship to relationship, and depending on who they are with, it determines who they are? For example if they are with someone who likes cars then they like cars, if they are with someone that is a Muslim then they are a Muslim, if they are with someone who likes partying then they like partying. And then when they are no longer with that person their interests change when they get with someone else.
There is a danger to this. This is also why sometimes it is a blessing as to why being single is important. Being single is first about getting to know yourself, your wants, your purpose, and your life path. When you grow to be comfortable with yourself this is when you can go into a successful relationship.
Once on Facebook a friend of mind posted something that was interesting. She said that it was not about finding the right one, but making it work with the one that you are with. I disagree with this whole heartily. I think it is about finding the right one. But the key to finding the right one is knowing what to look for. The person that you look for comes with knowing yourself and your purpose in life. This way you are able to recognize what person will go good with you and help you in your purpose versus what person would just hold you back.
If by chance you want to be a preacher, it is not going to behoove you to get with someone that is a stripper. This is because your congregation is not going to have respect for you. They are going to find it very hard to respect you to lead them in spiritual guidance and your wife is out there swinging on a pole.
I am sure that before our President, or any president for that matter got into politics they knew someday they wanted to be president. They also knew they had to choose woman and first lady that was going to coincide with their purpose. This is why our current first lady is a lawyer herself. As a first lady he knew his wife would have obligations and would need to serve as a role model. Do you think he could have won the presidency if he had a wife who was a drug addict?
I once had a male friend that has been married for 10 years. He and his wife were having a lot of trouble. The reason being is because he married young. Through the course of his marriage his wife was into other women and like to swing with other couples. At first this may have seemed cute to him when he first got married. But as you get older and have children, this type of behavior is not very becoming on a mother. He told me after 10 years that if he was the person that he was now he would have never married her. This is why it is so important to know yourself and not to rush into marriage or a relationships.
If you are the type of person that is interested in only what your partner is interested in, then you do not know yourself. You are simply faking the funk so that you can get the ring. But sooner or later the real you is going to come out in the wash. If you convert to being a Muslim and you really believe in being a Christian, then how long are you going to be able to go to the mosque and worship Allah, before you feel convicted?
I once dated a Muslim. I knew right away this would not work. I am a Christian to the bone and I am not bowing down to any other God. I am not converting, I am not covering my head, and I am not risking me salvation. He told me many times that he wanted to get married, but I knew that it simply would not work. We are too different people on to different life paths. To be with him would compromise everything that I am and what I believe. It would set me off my life path. And the fact that he wanted to marry me was not worth it to me. It was not me worth giving up my religion or the things that God called me to do.
But it took me to being strong and understanding these things on my own. I am sure many women would have taken him up on his offer only to be dissatisfied in the end.
I know many women who are married now because they wanted a husband, a two income household, the right to be called a wife, and many other minor reasons. Now they are miserable. Because once the wedding is over guess what? You have to live and be with that person for the rest of your life. If when you were dating he told you that he wanted to stay at home and have you work and you went long with this, then why would he change when you are married?
If when you were dating he wanted you to swing with other men and women and once you got married he continued on with this, even as you have children, then this is your fault? You changed yourself and what you believed based on someone else. Because you wanted to be called a wife.
So being single is not the worse thing in the world. It is better than bending to become something your not just to appease the person you are with. It is better to get to know yourself, this way yo know what you look for, and when you know what yo look for you know who to marry, and the person you should marry should compliment you. But you can never get to that point if you do not know who you are.

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All I Ever Wanted Was For Him To Love Me

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You are struggling with your current relationship. You discovered an affair. Many negative feelings of betrayal, sadness and disappointed haunted your heart. It makes your soul broken as this person was very special in your life.

That type of events are damaging especially for women. They tend to be very emotional and sensitive to hurt. Dramatic events like this may shut down your heart for future potential relationships. It helps you to avoid more pain and more drama in your life.
I understand that you have enough of those sob stories...
Unfortunately, those events of affair create strong fear of intimacy. You are unable to connect with another human being. The only way to solve it is to address your past issue and erase it from your heart. If you are curious how to do it, I encourage you to keep reading.
Anytime you decide to start sharing your life with a new partner, you take a risk of emotional trauma. There is always a possibility him to have an affair and leave you with the broken heart. You can't believe that he did it. This shock produces more anger, sadness, and betrayal.
You remember those negative memories and toxic emotions. They are eating your heart inside out as they stay in the subconscious mind. So long you keep sad memories, it will stay with you. It will block you from creating a healthy relationship.
You may decide to enter into a new relationship by all means. What would it happen you may ask?
Well, your new partner will trigger your old wounds from the past. You will relive negative emotions and past, traumatic life story. It will affect your present life with this new man. It won't make it easy but only worse and worse over time.
You may remind the hurtful story within yourself. So you will likely to withdraw from active participation in your current relationship. Emotional pain is heartbreaking and hurtful so that you want to escape as fast as it is possible. You suffered before and now you are afraid of intimacy with your new partner.
It is impossible to have a fulfilled and healthy relationship in this scenario.
Only if you take a challenge and erase the past pain from your heart, you can succeed. Old negative memories of betrayal and emotional hurt are useless to hold it. It is better to clear your heart and make a new space for something better.
Delete your past. Is it even possible to do it you may ask?
There is a releasing technique which makes this possible. It helps to address painful memories, beliefs, and negative emotions. They are all toxic and parasitic so through this modality, you can get rid of them from your mind permanently.
Those "problems" live in the subconscious mind. They can survive only through following lies which persuade a human to believe that it is good to keep it.
The biggest lie is that memories teach us something important. It helps to avoid problematic issues in the future time.
Imagine: have you ever got hit by a school bus? Many of you may answer: no. This memory doesn't exist, you never experienced this situation in your life. But you don't wish to ever happen to you, do you?
What if you experienced an affair in your relationship? There are many issues you stored in your subconscious mind. This makes you feel enslaved. Then, it is good to erase it. Then, you will restart your mind and make it more space for a new, healthy and happy relationship.
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Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Jealousy - Relationship Poison

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Jealousy is an old-fashioned word, not one you hear much of today. When I was growing up it was one of the Seven Deadly Sins that should be avoided at all costs. In my own experience, it's a feeling that eats away at peoples' insides in a subtle and destructive way. When jealousy is present in relationships, it can cause people to act in ways that they later regret, and if not acknowledged, can ultimately bring a relationship to an end.

What is jealousy? I look at something that someone else has, and I feel the lack of it in me. Maybe it's a gift or talent the other person has that I would like to have. Maybe they have the relationship, the partner or child I'd like to have. Maybe they have a good job or a nice car, or they manage their money better than I do.
Or maybe it's darker still. Maybe they have some problem or some need, something that gives them a special status in the world, an illness, a condition that entitles them to some reward, or an excuse not to work. Maybe they are loved and we feel we are not, or we see a loved one light up when they talk to others, but the light is never shown to us.
Whatever the reason for the feelings, jealousy doesn't buy us much sympathy in this world. It is one of those things about which people make a face as they talk about it in themselves, ashamed to admit they have those feelings, and when spotted in others, attracts judgement and derision. So someone who feels jealousy may find it difficult to ask for help to manage it.
That's why it is often underground and hidden. And unfortunately, when we hide things from ourselves and from others, that's when it tends to cause trouble. It comes out in the heat of an argument, or after a few drinks. It comes out in the backhanded remark, or the spiteful action.
Jealousy, like all our feelings, is information. It's got something to teach us, usually something about what we're not allowing ourselves to have in our lives. Take the straightforward case of feeling jealousy about someone else's partner, house or children. The issue here is not the jealousy, the issue is the underlying desire for something we don't or can't have. A loss not grieved or a longing not acknowledged. Jealousy about someone else's misfortune, that enables them to have something that we don't have, money, attention or care, is the same thing. It's pointing us towards a disappointment, or a need that's not being acknowledged.
When we look at our feelings as information rather than as something wrong that we shouldn't have, we can be easier with them, and begin to look at what we're missing. We can offer ourselves some understanding and support, rather than condemnation and criticism. Then we can take the action we need to take, whether it's mourning our losses or taking steps like going out and getting what we want.
If your relationship with yourself or someone else is affected by jealousy, maybe it would help to talk to someone about it.

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