Friday, July 13, 2018

How to Communicate Effectively With Your Significant Other

Related imageWhat are the signs of poor communication in a relationship:-

- one partner, or both, feeling isolated and alone.
- not doing things together - falling into the trap of leading individual lives.
- Not understanding how the other person feels about a situation.
- Mind reading: guessing what the other person is thinking and then coming up with the wrong conclusion.
- Lack of trust
- Giving up talking about a certain situation as they feel they are not being listened too.
- or Giving up talking about a situation as it always ends in a row.
Does any of the above examples sound familiar within your relationship. If it does, it's understandable, that you feel frustrated, angry and unloved. In fact it wouldn't be the first breakup or divorce that has occurred, not because the two people didn't love one another but more importantly their level of communication was so poor, the couple eventually drifted apart.
Unfortunately breaking up and going separate ways can be a common consequence of poor communication, however it doesn't have to be like that.
The following are some tips on how to change the way we communicate with each other.
1. When your partner, yet again, forgets to let you know he/she will be late home from work and his/her dinner is ruined.
Your immediate reaction when they come in the door is to say something like:
You always do this on me... You don't care... You never think of me...
Sounds familiar doesn't it? Well lets change the dialogue a bit. Instead of starting your sentence with YOU!... YOU!... YOU!... replace the Sentence Starter with... I... or I feel... I feel sad... I feel angry... I feel as if you don't care...
By stopping the habit of starting your sentence with 'YOU' you are in fact, sounding less judgemental and less accusing. This then stops your partner retaliating into a defensive mode. They will be more ready to listen to you and actually hear what you have to say.
2. Make a rule of not raising your voice. When you have something to say, make sure you say it in a low tone. The moment you start shouting, the other person will switch off. You may be 100% justified in what you are complaining about, however the minute you raise your voice, the other person doesn't hear the content of what you are saying, only a screeching sound. In other words what you have to say is totally correct but the delivery stinks!
Healthy Communication is about communicating the truth to each other in a loving respectful manner. Allowing each other to have space to be heard and to communicate freely.
Start changing how you communicate with your partner today by implementing these two basic rules. Obviously it will take a bit of practice to change how we normally react under stress.
I have every confidence that if you keep at it, you will start to notice changes. You will begin to have a more healthy loving relationship that each person feels heard and understood.

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